I have two sons, both of them fine young men in their late teens. I have many reasons to be proud of them both. They are warriors at heart with strong minds, bodies, and spirits. The blood of their heritage burns brightly in them both. They have excellent minds with scholarship opportunities and grade point averages to prove it. All these things in common, yet, they could not be more different one from the other.

Both of them strong willed with a determination to prove the truth as they know it, but with vastly different ways of expressing it between them. While the younger has always considered the “sage advice” of his wise old father when life requires reflection, his older brother pretty much considers the old man’s words to be universally outdated and irrelevant to this “new world” in which we find ourselves.

Yet, despite all these variances in approach, they are both so much like me in so many ways that it amazes (and frightens) their mother on a frequent basis. I have always considered my children to be unique spirits (in the words of Kahlil Gibran, “Your children come through you, not from you.”), and I have never desired making them over in my own image.  That’s a good thing too, because these two young bucks have had their very own – very strong – personalities since their first breath! I know. I was there.

These images of their childhood come flooding in at me this dawn as I adjust to the new reality that our family has begun with a startling suddenness. Last night, about Midnight, the elder son packed a backpack and left into the night without a word…

More than just another spat

It is a very uncertain and certainly sad page in our family history.  What began as a bit of normal sibling pettiness escalated into a major showdown manipulated largely by the elder brother. At some point the kidding and prodding became serious, scary and destructive. I credit their discipline as martial artists that neither was hurt, but at the end of it all, property was damaged and most importantly, lines were crossed that are not easily uncrossed.

In the family meeting that followed there were heartfelt apologies from the one, but from the other just constant defiance and negativity. It was decided, reluctantly, that the family had reached a turning point. We could no longer tolerate this arrangement. In short, the time had come for our elder son to leave the household and make his own way.

You can only dimly imagine the storm that followed. In the occasional lull between his angry recriminations (and his mother’s tearful frustrations) we wished him well and offered to assist in the transition (he is in college and Air Force ROTC). But we also instructed him, without wavering, to turn in his key to the house and make immediate arrangements for other lodging after a good night’s sleep.

He chose instead to simply disappear. We can only hope that he found a friend to take him in for the evening, but no welcoming car met him at the curb. He walked down that dark street, alone.

So we await what is next

My son, I would not have chosen this path for you, but it is not my place to choose your path. It is yours. I hope that whatever you are searching for makes you stronger in mind, body, and spirit. I hope that you find the true meaning of what it means to be a man in your new world.

I also hope that you someday come to realize that your family loves you, even when they do not “align with you” in every thought and opinion. When your tolerance for the differences in others grows to include your own family, then you will truly understand. Then, you will be as welcome as the prodigal son!

“Creator, please watch over this young warrior as he makes his own way, sometimes to his own detriment. Please give him insights into the anger boiling within him and help him to ground these emotions, transforming it into positive energy for his own growth and development.

“Guide him safely on this road he’s chosen, Creator, and protect him when he needs it, as you have done for me so many times in the past when I, too, was full of youthful impulse and reckless certainty.

“Finally, Creator, please give me the strength to back away when I am supposed to. If my shadow is what’s blocking my son, then lead him to his own place in the sun!”

AHO!

…VoGE